Conflict Management

I had a disagreement with my husband tonight about whether or not he should go into work tomorrow.  The State of Connecticut is preparing for a blizzard that is to hit Friday morning and continue into Saturday.  Notifications of school and community event cancellations were issued a day in advance due to the severity and timing of the storm.  My husband said he planned to go into work to attend two meetings.  Incredulously, I asked if he had heard the weather reports.  He said he did not want to be an alarmist, and would take precautions as necessary.  I became very sarcastic and said that I was unaware that he was so important that the blizzard weather advisory did not apply to him.  How was it that he knew more than the weather advisories?  When did he go to meteorology school?  I continued on like this while my husband sat quietly during my verbal assault.  When I was done, he simply said, “I had planned on being home before noon.” This made me feel slightly better, but I wish he had decided to stay home.  I could have handled this disagreement much better.  First, nonviolent communication recommends honest expression of feelings, and not sarcastic expression of our feelings.   I should have eliminated the sarcasm from the disagreement, and instead told him that I was concerned for his safety and wanted him home safe.  If I had done this, it would have been clear to him that I was worried about him.  I would be expressing love rather than anger.  Next, I could have listened better.  I could have asked my husband probing questions about why he felt his meetings were important to attend, or why he was not concerned about weather reports.   If I had done this, I would have learned that he planned on leaving for work in the morning, and also planned on leaving work early.   I did ask him later how he tried to resolve conflicts at work.  My husband said he tries to keep in mind that he is communicating with a rational person who is collecting information in a way that makes sense to her, and so, he tries to “seek to understand, rather than be understood”.  This is a very good strategy according to “The Third Side” website (http://www.thirdside.org/), our book, and other class resources which encourages us to become other-oriented in our conflict management.   Placing myself in another’s shoes, or being empathic, is not usually my primary emotion during conflicts, but it is a perspective that I recognize is valuable, and is something I want to work at.